Good “Hump” Day *side eye*

Today’s blog post is for the mature only. So, if you’re underage reading this I suggest you head to www.become21first.com : ) Now listen. Yes, I’m single. By choice. Don’t believe the hype of men who say that women who are single are miserable, can’t keep a man, blah blah. I can snap my finger and have five easy, but love means so much more to me than “halfway bullsh*t” with someone of the opposite gender.

Often I observe. I mean its like the number one trait us writers carry naturally. So, I see a lot of bullshit forming and unraveling daily. Relationships not making it past the thirty-second mark because the feelings involved in them are false AF. The female who screams “N*ggaz ain’t sh*” , is a lot of the time the same female falling for every okie doke line a man spits out. The same dude screaming “I hate my baby mama or ex” , is the same dude who stuck his penis in a woman with hardly any feelings involved.

Be real with yourself.

Is he coming around for mainly ONE thing? How is he your man? No, I mean really. And I don’t say this to toss salt on anyone’s feelings. I just want us women to use preventative measures before getting hurt. Just because a man comes around you doesn’t mean his heart is in his intentions.

& I say this and mean it so listen LOUD and CLEAR

IF A MAN IS NOT WHERE HE WANTS TO BE SECURITY AND FINANCIAL WISE HE MIGHT HAVE A HIDDEN AGENDA AS TO WHY HE’S WITH YOU.

Tough fucking cookies. But MOST men like to call ALL shots. If he’s allowing you to call some shots, trust and believe naturally he’s not okay with that. So, he may be using you for things such as your “foolish” loyalty, your car or house (assets), your always available twat, etc. We often think its wrong to let men use us for sex. Nah it’s really not. You just need to be upfront with yourself, about what the situation really is.

If it’s just SEX, claim it. Don’t be nobody’s fool. Its nothing wrong with that. You put a condom on his penis and you put a condom on your heart too. Sex that man raw when you know he’s not being faithful, and change your middle name to “Idiot”.

Thats all. Enjoy your day! This blog post was  meant to be a funny reminder. If it’s JUST sex, then claim it for what it is”

Soooooooo. Today I wanted to write about “friendship”. Why? Simply because good ones are completely RARE today. I mean it seems to  me that more and more people keep these hidden agendas or reasons to push their presence on specific people. When I say push I mean, “purposely connecting with specific people in order to form friendship, for a selfish sake.” In other words, “People who come around you to benefit themselves”. Now as humans we yearn for company. I mean as soon as a child enters this world, they’re at risk of dying if a mother doesn’t share her motherly love with them. We as humans need companionship, friendship, that friend you can call up to discuss any and everything under the moon right?

Damn, right we do. So *dunt-dunna- duuuuuuuuuunnn*  (my flying cape noise) Fear no more. Chakara is here LOL. Call me your damn heroine this morning, because I’ve created a list. Now, nah. Of course I don’t claim to be “guru of friendships”. Nah. But, I have a lot of experience with encountering different people with writing books and enlarging my network. So, I’ve seen a lot of “funny” people who have “funny” vendettas. Check it out.

1. “The Club Friend” – This chick (or dude) is ALWAYS down to go wherever there is music an alcohol at. You couldn’t get this mug up to go with you to church on a Wednesday night if you literally forklift their ass outta bed and dropped them right in a church pew. They normally look GREAT! Why? Because that’s their “club appearance”. That is important for them to keep up. Duh. Be careful with labeling this person “your friend”. If the club or social night outings is all that seems to be on this person’s brain, it will show in their daily weekly activities. Do they have a job? Do they have children? Do they have a car? If the answer to all of this sh*t is NO. Run like f*ck. Well, if you’re an adult. You don’t need these type of friends. Label them associates and feed them with long handed spoons.

2. The “Twitter Follower Friend” =_= Yes, I typed that. Many friendships form from social networks. Especially “twitter”. He/she has been following you and you guys believe that you are friends. You’ve “@” each other for over a year, you’ve seen pictures of this person, cut up with them outside of twitter at social events, etc…so NOW you want to confide and believe this person is your friend. Excuse my language but “B*tch you tripping.” It’s not to say people don’t have genuine intentions, but there is no “invested love” in this type of friendship. A few damn @s and retweets doesn’t make a person down for you. There may be a hidden agenda in this “friendship”. Like…ugh I don’t know, maybe them wanting to know more information about you to feed to their “real friends”. Think about it. Not saying social network friendship is impossible (b/c there are always exceptions), but I see a lot of business strolled all over twitter due to “twitter friend breakups” and you wanna keep that type of drama to a minimum (if none at all).

3. The “Co-Worker” Friend. Now listen, this is just something that I live and die by. I do not go to my 9-5 to make friends. Now over the years I’ve grown to love some of my co-workers, but outside of work we might as well be strangers. People talk like elderly ladies on porch stoops in work places. The minute you begin making “60 second friendships” in the lunch room with people, don’t ever become surprised if your “boss” finds out things about you that you never wanted him/her to. Now I heart some of my co-workers…….AT WORK. Between the hours of 8 and 5. =_= There is no dates unless it’s a lunch date, and even those I dodge like deadbeats dodge child support subpoenas. There are always exceptions to every rule, but I don’t necessarily think it’s a great idea to form hella friend at work. Never sh*t where you eat, comes to mind.

4. The “Debbie Downer” friend. “Heyyyyyyy, girl what you doing?” YOU: Um nothing wassup. THEM: “Girl ugh…I don’t know what I’m going to do about xyz.” This person will DRAIN the freakin life out of you. I mean that’s if you actually have a life. Yeah. Now, I’m not even talking about that “real friend” who has been there with you through thick and thin, and needs to vent every now and again. But, I’m talking about the “friend” you really just met, who seems to always walk under a stormy cloud, can’t figure out what to do with or about lowlives in her life, creates problems for themselves, then want to call you at 12am and talk about it. = / Them. Drop them off like the opposing team at the basket during the last quarter. Slam dunk their ass in the recycling bin. Why did I say recycling bin? Because often, if you let a friend know they’re draining the life outta you, and they’re REALLY a friend, they’ll learn from that statement. They may even transform into a stronger friend you can actually grow to LOVE, because this type of “friend in disguise” doesn’t really mean any harm. As adults, we just gotta learn to shed the things that hold us back, Debbie Downer friends especially.

5. The “Always In Some Drama” Friend. Every damn time you turn around she/he is in some sh*t. Can’t really go out in public with her cause  you’re liable to be confronted, watch her confront, or even get rolled on by some mob of ch*cks in Ben Franklin quick weaves (don’t ask). All I’m saying is control the company you keep. This friend isn’t really a friend because she can’t even be a friend to herself. She chooses drama over being loyal to herself and staying out of sh*t. She uses confrontation instead of minding her own f*cking business and letting the ignorance of others be “their problem”. She is doing entirely too damn much, and normally this type of friend has no productivity in their life. Why? Because she’s too busy handling petty disputes and situations involving “good for nothing women” or a sorry ass man. She has no time to grow and prosper. Let her go. Let her go grow up, then try to run that friendship back.

Now I listed five, but I KNOWWW you guys know of more! So hit me up lets talk about it. Every single “friend in disguise” I listed may have hidden agendas that are planned; others may not. All I’m saying is in order to progress you have to detox your surroundings, including those who will keep you behind. The hardest thing about growing up, is shedding people without them claiming “You’re being funny”. Get over that. You have to. Its hard. You just have to.

Talk to meeeeeeeee & in the midst of talking, let’s have a great productive day!

Love.

-Chakara

Being the only girl of four boys growing up. This situation remains heavy on my heart. My brothers walked the streets in similar clothing, with innocence in their hearts. Either of them could have been Trayvon Martin. So, I wanted to write this letter. I mean after all, Trayvon is in a place that we all want to end up some day. God has him. I’ll let my unruly anger from injustice rest at that fact.

Dear Trayvon Martin,

I’m just a writer, but before everything I’m an African-American in the U.S. I flipped channels while resting in my bedroom, and ended up coming upon an interview including your family members; drenched in tears. Very angry souls, yet saddened by your loss. I placed my own mother on that television screen, along with my own angry close family and became at rage at such circumstances. And when your mother broke down, I felt myself starting to break down. When your uncles began to pitch their feelings with a dose of anger, I felt my blood boiling. Your death has prompted a country-wide awareness of racial discrimination, profiling, and injustice.

My country immediately became your kin. They’re marching on your behalf right now. In hoodies, angry faces, but with peaceful aim. We see you as a brother, whose life was taken without any reason. We see you as our child, who simply left to take a walk and was executed on his own free country’s soul; for nothing. We see you as our classmate, who we’ll never see at his desk working diligently to “become successful” again. We see you as ourselves; because anyone of us could have been you. We see you as someone we fight for, and we won’t rest until justice prevails.

Sure, you don’t know me, and that’s just the way its supposed to be. My neighbor is still my brother, and his injustices will still enter my household. For, I’ll be faced to relate, because there are many different “Trayvon Martins” in this world. I just only ask that you watch over your family. Although, in my heart, I have no doubt that you will not. My God, the pain your mother is probably experiencing is something that I’d never be able to endure. I look up to her for her strength during such a troublesome time. Smile using your spirit in various ways to ease the pain in this entire country; most importantly your family.

This country, your people, your race, your brothers and sisters, will bring your family a deserving gift of justice. Rest assured in that, for you are in a Kingdom made perfectly for the KING that you are. RIP Trayvon Martin.

Sincerely,

Your neighbor.

Xoxo

Sound funny right?
Welp sure it does, but I can’t seem but to find this to be a true statement.

Everyone in N.C. seems to like freakin basketball, but when its comes to supporting our own “everything”, including media and music we fold. Why is that?

In order to gain support elsewhere, we must show we can support our own. Right?

You ever seen this post “Ughhhh, I hate (Inserts any random NC city here)? Welp. Sure you have. Because not only does it come in forms of social networking, its often commentary in public places.

I’m from Raleigh so I see this alot

“Ugh Raleigh is so lame…”

“Ugh Raleigh rappers are fake…”

“Ugh Raleigh clubs are boring..”

“Ugh Raleigh females are this and that…”

“Ugh Raleigh dudes are this…”

Sh*t gets redundant after awhile, because for ONE speaking something enough will make it come to be. People love to overlook the actual power of word, but Raleigh being everything but the best city in the world is what you will hear from a person born right in state lines. As long as you state such, it will come to be.

 Now sure, NC isn’t California or NY, but its our state. If we ever want to be taken seriously in any entertainment industry we gotta learn to prop ourselves.

“What’s prop ourselves Chakara?” you might ask…

HELL, focus on the GOOD in the state vs everything thats bad. Then find out how to use the many different events, celeb travels, etc that do hit our state each year to your own media/entertainment benefit.

Funny this state is so “lame” to those who are from it, yet its the 2nd largest growing capital city in the country. Soooo. Somebody likes it apparently. And guess what? They’re not Carolinians either. So we’re actually 1up.

Now, I’m not saying go out here and wave an N.C. flag proudly and support every Tom, Dick and Harry who states he has some purpose in the media/entertainment industry of N.C. No, of course not.

What I’m saying is stop putting your own state down. You were born on this soil. If this state “isn’t sh*t”, did you ever to think that you play a role in that?

Just some food for thought!

#TeamNC

Toodles!

Chakara

Still single?

Of course you are. I am too, and I realize that if I don’t change my ways. I’ll stay this way.

Right now. I seriously believe that I live a lifestyle where having an intimate relationship isn’t for me. I actually came up with reasons why I’m single, and reasons why I believe others are single. Can you believe this? LOL I found out issues with myself and I’m sharing them with you all. And this is not to say that you will never be ready for a relationship, but you have to change certain things. Thank me later baby, cause I’m listing a few issues today.

I had to look in the mirror and understand exactly why I’m single, in order to prepare my future for an intimate relationship. I also observed others to see why they may be single as well. This isn’t all me guys, only a few. >_<

Welp.

Here Goes.

1.) You’re daily routine REJECTS intimacy: You’re like ALWAYS somewhere doing something, with someone besides someone you want to be intimate in. That’s right. You are a workaholic, maybe a single parent. You have really NARROW space for free time. Everything you do on a day to day basis pretty much stays the same, and you are mentally set in that. You don’t see intimacy throughout the week because you’re too busy being super woman, focused on daily tasks and their completion.

2) You’re still dealing with pain caused by prior relationships: Sure, maybe you don’t WEAR bitter woman colors, but you damn sure don’t allow anything to slide. Let’s face it. Men fuck up ALL the time. You see the smallest issue with them and you’re OUT, like a light. Turned off right? Yeah, cause you’re TIRED. Plus, you are still a little hurt, because you’re holding on to past issues and using them to judge the future. You gotta change this around, or you’ll never see the “good” in the potential candidate. You’re blind.

3) You’re a social lite and you’re very outspoken:Hi, how are you? LOL I’m that one. Men are often intimidated by your kind, and they’re always looking for a nook or cranny to slide their “‘interest” in you in. Only issue is, your attitude won’t even allow any room for it. African American men ESPECIALLY, honor their pride, and they won’t let anything bend of fracture that if they can help it. The last thing they want, is to be dissed by such an outspoken and popular person such as you.

4) You love freedom and peace: Does it complete you like it completes me? Coming and going as you please. No curfew on the weekends. Trips taken whenever with whomever. Oh wow, the life right? Well, not the life for a “girlfriend/wife to be”. Your freedom to come and go has become a lifestyle for you. You’re used to nothing else. So, forming a relationship isn’t that highlighted on your “to-do” list.

5) You’re too artificial: A Lot of men who are in that “settle down” mind frame are looking for  natural beauty. Fake hair, fake nails, fake lashes, makeup all read “ARTIFICIAL”. Some men will deal with this, but most men who do are not ready to settle down. Artificial features create “in the moment” attraction. A man who is looking to settle down with a woman will need to see natural traits as well. If you’re honestly looking to transition into a “relationship mind”, you’ll have to become natural in some parts. Maybe keep the weave in but tone down on makeup and eyelashes. Or, instead of weave, try a natural blowout and a solid color you are comfortable with. I can almost guarantee you the guys who approach you will change.

6) You have too many male friends:Damn. That’s screwy right? I mean, damn. I came from a predominately MALE household. So, having a lot of male friends naturally is a barrier for me? Wow. Tough cookie but its true. Guys assume a lot of things about a female when trying to calculate interest in her. One of those things is how many guys she associates herself with. You can forget about trying to explain it using excuses like “I work with him”. “He’s my brother.” All that says to some men is “HOE, PROMSICUITY, ETC.” Save it. You’ll eventually have to drop off a few “male” buddies.

7) You come off being way too needy:Are you whiny? Do you ask for a lot out of the men you just “date”? Always in need of something? Money, date time, phone conversations, even a follow back on a social site? You’re being worrisome as fuck. No man will want that. As a matter of fact, being a gnat is a pet peeve of a man. They need someone much  more relaxed, laid back, and independent. Don’t wear NEEDY. It will get you no where.

and LAST but not least.

8) The company of girlfriends you keep, talk too much: That’s right. Real men don’t like their personal business out in the streets, and if dealing with you will risk that…guess what? They won’t take a chance on you. There is always gossip in your circle. Maybe one of your girlfriends is known to NOT hold water. If he knows of your friends, then he will judge you based on their actions. Most men want grown women to settle down with, not little girls who sit in circles and gossip. Just food for thought.

Those are just some of the things I found to be issues. Maybe you have more? Who knows. Talk to me though. Any thoughts relationship stores issues you want to share? Email me at authorchakara@gmail.com for a chance for your anonymous story to be featured!!

1.) THERE REAL NAME - Unless you meet a man under certain circumstances where you know his whole name, getting a whole name seems like freakin’ rocket science upon meeting a dude. “Hey how are you? What’s your name?” and he says “J.” Right. So, I’m supposed to just roll with “J” being your name and continue to share things with you? Oh no. Nicknames are for little boys. Try giving me a birth name.

2.) ABOUT A CRAZY EX - Now usually these are consistent issues in a man’s life, who will hide this information with strategy. They already know how the “ex” will react to your presence, so they will keep this from you as long as possible. Every now and again a man will disclose the fact that he has a personal stalker, but most of the time they wont.

3.) THAT THEY ONLY WANT SEX – Duhhhh. If you think a man will, you’re too damn naive in 2011. This seems like a high school tip, but a lot of women think that a man will let them know if he’s just there for sex. Nah, boo. In fact, he’ll tell you that he loves your company and everything else lovely under the sun and still be in love with what’s between your legs. Great sex can give a man the most pleasant compliments to shoot you. Oh yes. LOL

4) THAT YOU ARE BEING ANNOYING - They run immediately from it. Women will ask multiple times. “Is something wrong?” And he will say no. Will he be lying? Yes, but if he says “Yes, you’re being annoying”, then what will you do? Become more annoying. So they’d rather not. Its really simple.

5.) THAT HE’S ATTRACTED TO YOUR FRIEND - Nope. Cold as shit. I know. But, this is a guy code. This is something they’ll never do. There are signs to watch out for, but that’s another blog. Just note that if he’s attracted to your girl, then he’ll barely speak her name. He’ll barely come around you and her. Stop breaking up with men in awe when you find out he’s sleeping with your “friend”. Watch for signs, because him telling you will not pop off!

6.) THAT HE WILL PAY FOR SOMETHING YOU WANT - An offer here and there? Yeah, sure. But if there is something that you want, ask him. If he’s your boo, and really really cares for you, he’ll do it. What he will not do is volunteer to do it. He figures, if its something you want really bad that you will mention it. Valentines Day, Christmas, and your birthdays are the times to expect thoughtful gifts.

7.) THAT HIS MOTHER IS WRONG – NEVER NEVER NEVER. He’ll paraphrase “She’s wrong.” Yeah, however that works. Just note to self. He will not do it. And whatever you do, PLEASE don’t try to force him to.

8.) THAT THERE ARE ISSUES BETWEEN HIM AND HIS BOYS – Most men don’t like being associated with drama or “mess”. They never want people to believe that things are “emotionally” serious to them, to where they act out of character. So, a man isn’t going to dwell on issues between himself and friends. If something went down at the basketball court, then you’ll have to use body language observations to see that. He will not just openly bust out with it at the dinner table, and you should be cool with that.

9.) THAT HE CHEATED THE NIGHT BEFORE - If he wakes up the day after and you don’t know, then that is like bells to his ears. In fact, his whole attitude will be bright and cheery. Guilt isn’t going to weigh in on his mind over night, after getting that nut with another woman. So, don’t count on it.

Last but not least

10) HE’S HAVING PROBLEMS WITH MONEY – One word. Pride. And a whole lot of it. Disclosing he’s having issues with money is the equivalent of walking on a construction site without any pants on. Way too embarrassing. So, he will not disclose this. If you notice that he is, PLEASE be very nonchalant about it. Help, but allow him to stand on his own. Just be there as much as you can without tapping into his pride. He will appreciate that.